-------------------- OHIO GENERATOR ALTERNATORS TEAM CACTUS SOUNDS TEAM BUDWEISER-2006 SS1-2Champions CLUB 664 FOUNDER/PRESIDENT 2nd Place 2004 USACI Modified 901-1800 World Finals 159.7 2005 Former Street Max 1-2 World Record Holder 2005 DB Drag Finals SM 1-2- 3rd 2005 USACI Finals Mod 901-1800- World Champion 2005 IASCA World Finals Adv.1- 2nd Posts: 1448 | From: Springfield, MO | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Johnny was a bit of a trouble maker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.
Johnny's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1 Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Johnny
Johnny knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2 Dear God, This is your friend Johnny. I have been a good boy this year and would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Johnny
Johnny knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3 Dear God, I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Johnny
Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Johnny wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4 God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thanks, Johnny
Johnny knew, even if it were true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his Mom that he wanted to go to church. Johnny's mother thought her plan had worked as Johnny looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Johnny's mother told him.
Johnny walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Johnny went into the church and up to the alter. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Johnny bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Johnny began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5 God, I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!
Signed, YOU KNOW WHO!!!
-------------------- Just some thoughts from a nobody. Posts: 3685 | From: Lakewood,Ohio | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
One day, the teacher tells the class they are going to have a taste test. "I am going to give you all a little of each taste on cracker, and the first one to guess each taste wins, ok children?"
So off they go with the first test, all the children take a cracker, and pretty soon Suzzie puts up her hand and says "Miss, I know this, this is apple-sauce!" "Very good suzzie, thats right".
And then the next cracker, and Billy says "I know Miss, this is Strawberry Jam". "Very good Billy, thats correct!"
Now this carries on for the next few tests, and the children are doing very well. So the teacher decides to give them a bit of a challenge, and on the next crackers she puts a drop of honey. Now, non of the children seem to recognize this, so she offers them a clue: "Now children, think of what your father calls your mother first thing in the morning...."
Johnny jumps up from behind his desk: "QUICK SPIT IT OUT! ITS ARSEHOLE FLAVOUR!!!!!!"
-------------------- Just some thoughts from a nobody. Posts: 3685 | From: Lakewood,Ohio | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Johnny and his parents just moved from Alabama to New York and Johnny is going into the 3rd grade. On the first day of school Johnny's teacher asks the kids to count to 100. None of the kids could do it but Johnny not only counted to 100 but all the way to 1000. He rushed home and told his dad. "I counted all the way to 1000 today in class and none of the other students could do it. Why is that?" His dad replied, "Well you're so smart because you're from Alabama."
The 2nd day of school the teacher asked the kids to recite the alphabet. None of the kids could get past K but Johnny made it all the way to the end. After school he ran home and told his dad, "Dad I made it through the whole alphabet and none of the other students could get past K! Why is that?" His dad replied, "Well you're so smart because you're from Alabama."
On the 3rd day of school Johnny just finished Gym class and he and his classmates were in the locker room showering. Johnny looked around and noticed that his penis was so much larger than anyone else in his class. He ran home and told his dad, "Hey dad! After gym today the guys were taking a shower in the locker room and I noticed that I was so much bigger than they were! Why is that?" His dad replied, "Thats because your 21."
-------------------- Just some thoughts from a nobody. Posts: 3685 | From: Lakewood,Ohio | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch some chickens." "You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of duct tape." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some ducks." "You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "It's a ***** willow." "Wait up...I'll get my hat."
-------------------- Just some thoughts from a nobody. Posts: 3685 | From: Lakewood,Ohio | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
A young boy had just gotten his Driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
-------------------- OHIO GENERATOR ALTERNATORS TEAM CACTUS SOUNDS TEAM BUDWEISER-2006 SS1-2Champions CLUB 664 FOUNDER/PRESIDENT 2nd Place 2004 USACI Modified 901-1800 World Finals 159.7 2005 Former Street Max 1-2 World Record Holder 2005 DB Drag Finals SM 1-2- 3rd 2005 USACI Finals Mod 901-1800- World Champion 2005 IASCA World Finals Adv.1- 2nd Posts: 1448 | From: Springfield, MO | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. one notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of State capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: "W."
FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US government class. The Professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "
SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the Cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
You Gotta Love Blondes!
-------------------- Alma Gates Posts: 3130 | From: phoenix, arizona - usa | Registered: Aug 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
A guy was in bed with a girl he had just pulled at a club. They were in bed and he noticed a picture of a bloke on the bed side table. He stopped looked down at her and asked is that your boyfriend!!?? No she said. What is it your husband!!!?? Nope she said What your dad or brother?? Nope she said dont worry about it its ok honest just dont look at it. So they carried on until they had finished then he rolled over again and said well who the hell is it then She lent over kissed him and said that was me 6 months ago
posted
A young man was watching football. He noticed an empty seat in front of him. It was a better seat than his. At half-time he went down to the empty seat. He asked the old man sitting next to the empty one if it was okay if he sit there. No problem, said the old man. It was my wife's seat, but she's dead. We've been to every home match together for 40 years, and always had these two seats. A tear rolled down the old man's cheek. Don't you have a friend, or someone from your family, who'd come with you? The young man asked, gently. The old man wiped his eyes and said yes, but not today. They are all at my wife's funeral.
-------------------- OHIO GENERATOR ALTERNATORS TEAM CACTUS SOUNDS TEAM BUDWEISER-2006 SS1-2Champions CLUB 664 FOUNDER/PRESIDENT 2nd Place 2004 USACI Modified 901-1800 World Finals 159.7 2005 Former Street Max 1-2 World Record Holder 2005 DB Drag Finals SM 1-2- 3rd 2005 USACI Finals Mod 901-1800- World Champion 2005 IASCA World Finals Adv.1- 2nd Posts: 1448 | From: Springfield, MO | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea . I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in 'em.
6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT? " Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went in ta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep 'til afternoon.
and.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up
-------------------- OHIO GENERATOR ALTERNATORS TEAM CACTUS SOUNDS TEAM BUDWEISER-2006 SS1-2Champions CLUB 664 FOUNDER/PRESIDENT 2nd Place 2004 USACI Modified 901-1800 World Finals 159.7 2005 Former Street Max 1-2 World Record Holder 2005 DB Drag Finals SM 1-2- 3rd 2005 USACI Finals Mod 901-1800- World Champion 2005 IASCA World Finals Adv.1- 2nd Posts: 1448 | From: Springfield, MO | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
A ham-sanwich walk into a bar, the bartender says "Hey, we dont serve food here!"
-------------------- Travis Atherton Former Team Music Masters member 2005 World Finals – Street C DAILY DRIVER: 2005 CHEVY SILVERADO 3500, CC LB W/8 MEMPHIS MOJO 15's RECONED WITH FI PARTS ON 1 CRUNCH GP3000 Posts: 3313 | From: Hudson, MI | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
its really funny after a night of drinking SOCO and lime...
-------------------- Travis Atherton Former Team Music Masters member 2005 World Finals – Street C DAILY DRIVER: 2005 CHEVY SILVERADO 3500, CC LB W/8 MEMPHIS MOJO 15's RECONED WITH FI PARTS ON 1 CRUNCH GP3000 Posts: 3313 | From: Hudson, MI | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
A five-year-old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulled a beer out of the cooler. The little boy asked, 'Grandpa, can I have a beer? Grandpa replied 'Can your pecker touch your ass? The little boy answered, 'No Grandpa, It's just a little pecker!' Grandpa said, then you're not man enough to have a beer. A little later Grandpa lit up a cigar. The little boy asked, 'Grandpa, can I have a cigar?' Once again, Grandpa asked, 'Can your pecker touch you're ass?' The little boy answered 'no,' again. Grandpa said, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar.' A little later, the boy came out of the house with some cookies and milk. Grandpa asked, 'Can I have a cookie?' The boy asked, 'Can your pecker touch you're ass?' Grandpa replied, Hell yeah, my pecker can touch my ass!' The boy replied, then go f u c k yourself! Grandma made these for me.'
-------------------- OHIO GENERATOR ALTERNATORS TEAM CACTUS SOUNDS TEAM BUDWEISER-2006 SS1-2Champions CLUB 664 FOUNDER/PRESIDENT 2nd Place 2004 USACI Modified 901-1800 World Finals 159.7 2005 Former Street Max 1-2 World Record Holder 2005 DB Drag Finals SM 1-2- 3rd 2005 USACI Finals Mod 901-1800- World Champion 2005 IASCA World Finals Adv.1- 2nd Posts: 1448 | From: Springfield, MO | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
